The Chemo Experience

Happy Halloween I thought this was a funny picture.

I thought I’d take some time to answer some FAQs regarding what it’s like to experience chemotherapy. By golly, I hope none of you needs to go through this. It’s not as bad as ending up on the ICU unit in the hospital, but it does have its own potency.

Chemotherapy is like being extremely uncomfortable for long periods of time. You don’t ever get to really be pain-free as side effects build upon other side effects, ranging from headaches to nausea. Some will make you lose feeling in your toes and feet. Others cause mouth sores. Or back and muscle aches. The thing about chemo is that all of these side effects hit you at once. And it never quite leaves.

Now, if you’re crazy enough to try and replicate the experience, here are the 10 Ways to Get a Taste of the Chemo Experience (from: www.planetcancer.org):

10. Set down a delicious array of food before you, then eat only wood pulp for several days.

9. Throw upon your lawn.

8. Each week at a pre-determined time, wake up, collect some bees and let them sting you, (for that “I can’t seem to get a vein” feeling, apply one of the little brutes to your arm with scotch tape.)

7. Throw up on your neighbor’s lawn again.

6. Shave off your eyebrows, take out your eyelashes (except maybe 3) then Nair the rest of your body. Don’t worry, the burning is normal.

5. For that fun Ativan feeling, wander into a room and ponder all the possible means of the word “Amazing.” Walk out of the room, repeat. (Ativan is a popular and in-demand anti-anxiety, anti-nausea medication given to chemotherapy patients. It works wonders and makes you feel really nice, allowing you to doze off and sleep in bliss. But it’s notorious for being highly addictive like Vicodin. I tried to stop this cold turkey once after finding out, but ended up in the ER for drug withdrawal syndrome. Luckily, you can slowly wane yourself off it, which I’ve done successfully. However, I still need to get back on it from time to time to control side effects.)

4. Hang upside down from a tree until your face is cherry red, this wll help with the dizzy/flushed, red faced feeling of Adriamycin.

3. Lay around feeling like you got hit by a truck. (This is so true!!!)

2. Attempt to drink Ensure while you are nauseated. To become nauseated, drink an Ensure. (It’s not too bad, tastes like Strawberry Wild Jamba Juice to me. But it’s hard to consume it while nauseated, no doubt.)

1. Congratulations, you’ve finished one chemo treatment, how many more do you get to do?

That’s pretty much it in a nutshell. So comparatively, it’s not like the flu or cold, which I feel can be worse sometimes since you’re hit pretty badly, but it’s temporary for a few days. Chemotherapy can be just as painful but for months on end as long as you’re receiving it. Lesson learned? If I’m completely “out of it,” you’ll know why  

Dedicated to all my fellow patients out there! And the hope that none of you normal folks go through this.