In Memory of Annie Le and Michelle Maykin

Before you stop reading though, I write today’s entry not as a means of igniting feelings of sadness.

Had it not been for some research I was doing regarding the Asian Pacific American community, I would have never came across a news article back in September that highlighted the brutal murder of Annie Le, a 24-year old Vietnamese pharmacology student at Yale. I guess I didn’t see this in the news back then, because I was completely shut down from the induction phase of chemotherapy at the hospital. Her body was finally found on what was supposed to be the day of her wedding to her fiance and best friend. She was beautiful — I’m talking beauty, brains, and an equally beautiful spirit/dynamic personality to match. I’m sure if you’re even remotely interested in this person and her contributions, a simple google search will do. What connects me to her the most was the fact that she was in the middle of conducting scientific research to cure particular cancers and other diseases. She had a great interest in pathology as well during her high school days. I cannot explain why this happened to her except one individual unwisely chose to take out his anger through violence. This is why we need to stop fighting and just chill out sometimes. I mean this on a grander scale as well – wars being fought that seem unnecessary to a majority of the population.

Another remarkable individual that many of you may already know is Michelle Maykin who founded www.projectmichelle.com. She was a beautiful woman who started this whole general movement on alerting the Asian Pacific American community with the alarming deficit of ethnic minority donors in our national marrow registry. I first found out about her during my diagnosis in July and I am not going to hide this — as I read to follow up on her story and pending memorial service, I completely shattered and bawled in my apartment while my roommate was still asleep in the early morning. I continued to break down in front of my friends during a joyous car ride to Barnes and Noble. This was one of the very few times in my life where I’ve cried for a complete stranger I didn’t even know. I’m sure some of it was seeing how my own fate could possibly unfold the same way in a merciless manner, but most of it was a mixture of confusion, anger, and trying to process this deficit in numbers. And trying to process her existence and presence in our communities. Looking back in retrospect, I wonder if our paths were meant to be crossed in some fashion. In some uncanny similarities, she also had a nickname for leukemia – Leuk … and I figured out my diagnosis by the following month – August. It was almost as if a torch was being passed from one individual to another. (As a side tangent/funny thought – sorry if any of you are actually named Luke in real life. I sincerely am NOT targeting you in any way, I just thought it was more of a recognizable form of identifying leukemia.)

I know crying may be perceived to be a sign of human weakness. For me, I just do it because I don’t get physical and punch walls or break glasses. My coping mechanism is unfortunately though shedding many tears that I have a difficult time holding back.

Tonight, though as I naturally do the same and find myself shedding a few tears for both of these women, I find myself with a strengthened resolve to do as much good in this world as possible to balance out the crazy, unexplained chaos that pervades our communities. As idealists, we often lose faith sometimes because there seems to be so much working against us and there are moments when we think our causes are ultimately meaningless and futile in the end. After all, who wants to keep struggling everyday if we can’t see results? But after hearing about the unfair deaths of these two human beings, I realized that in the end they were doing what they loved or seeing the people they loved during their last hour on Earth. That reassures me. My religious faith kicks in now and I believe that they’re in a wonderful heaven of their own … free from the pain and suffering of our earthly world that we continuously work hard to minimize as much as possible. I would like to think that they’re both enjoying some kind of kick-ass delicious pan-Asian buffet or something along those lines up there having the most joyous time of their lives where everyday is almost like a special visit to Disneyland.

Today, I pay tribute to them. I will temporarily think of this no longer though at this time, as I know bathing oneself in a pool of sadness is not a key to lasting recovery. I ask you not to be overly sad either. But I wanted to at least acknowledge what happened … what transpired. We cannot turn a blind eye. And I wanted you to know that the fight still continues and we must not stop momentum. I’m not saying this selfishly to secure myself a match so I can live longer in the future. I’m saying this because damn, it just feels like the right thing to do.

To Annie Le and Michelle Maykin. Two women we could learn a lot from. And so, we march forth. No pity party here, we don’t need any of that. Just actions to back up our willingness to create change … for them at the very least.